i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
