We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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