did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
