can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
