she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
