I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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