Who did Billy Mays play for?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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