you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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