His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
