3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
