I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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