508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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