is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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