I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Im part way to drunk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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