Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Drunk is a universal language darling
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
