I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
