it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
