If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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