Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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