Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
