My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
