Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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