If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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