Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
