cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
