direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
