He kissed a someone with a penis
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
