Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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