we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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