We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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