I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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