i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
