dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
