So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
P.S. I can't hear my feet
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
