i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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