you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
