i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
