Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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