I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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