I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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