Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
