one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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