well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
