I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
