He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
