Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
