You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
