Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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