May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
