My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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