There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
