I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
