this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
