worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
